Hipsters Need to Die Part 1

Alrighty so been a while since I posted and this is only a short one.

So I went to a coffee shop in Balaclava yesterday, it looked appealing from the outside and i must admit that as pretentious as it looked, the coffee was good. So there I was standing about in trackpants and a Canada looking bogan-riffic when it starts to dawn on me, the one coffee shop on Carlisle St I decided to pick was ENTIRELY populated by Hipsters.

Scum of The Earth

 

Now if this alone didn't infuriate me enough (neither did the tacky 70's shirts and felt vests) it dawned on me that Hipster's have stolen one of the coolest things in existence. A curled mustache. I realised this while the barista was bitching at me that my flat white was done and he had free-trade soy latte's to make. I had been too busy staring pure hatred at 2 Hipsters in particular that had come over and invaded my personal hate-bubble.

GTFO. I'll cut you.

 

 Now one of these Hipsters had a ratty-ass beard that they seem to adopt like homeless people with fleas and the other had adopted the well rounded curled mustache. This sparked my rage in an enormous way because it was at this moment I realized that I had been curling my mustache for a while and people must assume I'm a Hipster. I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to tear it off his face whisker by whisker. But being the gentleman that I am I simply shot glare daggers at him, took my non-free-trade tasty as fuck coffee and left.

Come flash that 'stache at me again cunt

 

This inspired me to decide TO TAKE A STAND! The Hipsters can't win this one, I am personally bringing the curled mo back to civilized (well as civilized as I can be) society! I shan't wear this in an 'Ironic' way (sorry Alanis) I shall wear it as a statement of  'Fuck Hipsters' and I invite anyone who will join me in this gallant effort to speak up! (Curled mustache not required but will win big brownie points in my good books)

This man is a Hero

 

Anywho Shitbags, rant 1 of my Hipster hatred is over. Stay tuned for more in the series of 'Hipsters need to Die'... I should start a petition to cull Hipsters in mass numbers... Does anyone know of a badly ventilated vegan cafe I can pull a Hitler in? Fuck it, let's just make every Wednesday 'Slap a Hipster Day'

Checkout Chicks

This isn't so much of a rage article this is more of a pet hate. Some Checkout Chicks i LOVE! Like the big Samoan woman down at our local coles, Tina. I LOVE TINA!! She is the best checkout chick EVER! She is always happy and smiley and always pretends to be interested when i tell her about my day.

Do you have flyby's Sir?

 

But Tina aside, there is always some dumb bitch that scans something wrong or she cant decide whether the '8 item per bag' rule applies to tins of tuna. She will never give you the correct change and will always need to announce something over the intercom to the entire store to let them know that your 'Extra Heavy Flow' Tampax aren't scanning properly. This chick annoys the hell out of me. This chick makes me want to drive the skewers I'm buying for my chicken sticks so far into my eardrum that I pass out from a self induced lobotomy.

 Why am I at Coles again?

 

Oh and while I am on the subject of not scanning things right what is with these new 'Self Scan' machines? They NEVER get shit right. Whenever I go to my local supermarket now the supervisor will stand next to me and scan their little employee card thing every time the machine hates on me. I thought these things were smart and were supposed to make my trip to the supermarket easier and less heinous. They never weigh the shit right, they never have the produce in that little fucking touch-screen shit they call a menu either.

Everyone of us (hermits aside) have had to encounter these machines at some point within the past few years. Anyone liked them? If you have contact me and I will YELL AT YOU FOR BEING AN IDIOT! This is the first step in the machines taking over the world! Not really, but they are particularly hateful machines.