4 differences between “Gamer Gurls” and Girl Gamers everyone should know.
If you’re a male between 19 and 35, chances are you’re aware of the recent phenomena that roughly 45% of gamers nowadays are female. No longer is the stereotype that gamers are fat, asthmatic, pimply faced teens living in their parents’ basement true. No, now we gamers can come out of the closet (so to speak) and expose our pasty delicate skin and sensitive eyes to the general public as equals.
There’s just one problem. Like all popular genres, you get fakes/wannabes/try hards that just don’t understand how foolish they look. In this instance it appears girls just want to have fun (Fuck you Cyndi Lauper), whether they know what they’re talking about or not. Here are some basic ways to tell them apart.
Sun....light?
4: Know Your Games
Starting right off with an obvious one, if you’re a real gamer, be it guy or girl, you’ll spot the flaws in any conversation that begins with “OH EM GEE I LOVE Zelda! Bulbasaur is my favourite!”. Umm what?
I choose you! Pikachu!
But sometimes the mistakes are more subtle. For instance, have you ever spoken to somebody about a game they proposedly SAID that they like, only to have them add no input to the conversation? Likely they waited until the end of your sentence, guessed half the last word and said it with you, nodding approvingly and blinking madly like Kristen Stewart on meth, to make it sound like that was what they were going to say all along?
Bitch I know your clueless.
Oh. She is interested in my incessant rambling.
3: Her Social Life
What is one thing that still holds true for the gamer stereotype? Is it that we’re all fat? No. are we are anti-social? Is it that we all have some form of mental disability? Quite the opposite. Do we game because we can’t get laid? No, for most.
Not all typical gamers have Aspergers anymore
No, the only part of the original stereotype that still holds true is the fact that as gamers we spend a lot of time indoors (Developing our illustrious white skin). That’s where we are to play the games, after all. We socialise with our friends via headsets and chatpads, while working together to brutally murder the shit of every goblin between us and the loot at the lowest level of the dungeon. It takes a bond of trust and friendship to make it through alive and with equal share of gold and equipment. How is that so different from having friends you see face to face? It’s really no different at all (Minus the human to human contact). Which is my point. If your lady friend counts her BFF’s by whom she can trust with her World of Warcraft account, then you’ve got a gamer. But if she only considers her friends to be the ones she gets drunk with on half strength tequila at her favourite girly bar, then I’ve got some bad news.
Normal girls hang out at lesbian bars right?
Hey Suzie. You look ready for questing, how about we farm for gold in your lush fields… Suzie? SUZIE!
The point I’m trying to make is that gamers do have a social life. They interact with their friends, they share their stuff, they agree on who their favourite celebrities are and they go on murder sprees together, just like friends IRL (in real life, for you “Gamer Gurls” out their), only they do it using gorgeous avatars and badass weapons.
Who wants to come on a Murder Spree down at the local mall with me?
Reading the title to this segment, a lot of you will immediately assume I am referring to skill and proceed to jump on the bandwagon of hatred and roll on down the road of misunderstanding.
I totally get that some people suck at games. Me, for instance. I’m a hard-core gamer. Not to brag (But i totally am) I’ve clocked Diablo 1, 2 and 3. I know more about Halo than anybody else I know. And as I’m typing this I have the biggest urge to abandon this fucking article and buy more characters on League of Legends in the hope to finally find a character that balances archery and magic just perfectly for a strong ranged char- I’m going off track a little.
Archery is my wet-dream
Though, if she kicks pixelated ass, you can assume she’s legit.
While playing, let’s say, ‘Call of Battlefield: Company Ops 3’, if after every death, your lady friend laughs, giggles, and/or says “Lol oh well, this isn’t the game I usually play anyway” – run. All true gamers adapt to whatever they’re playing, whether it’s ‘Their Game’ or not. It’s the primal instinct to kill the shit out of your opponent that gamers have that drives them to play online. A real gamer will spit, scream, yell obscenities at the screen and eventually hurl their controller/keyboard across the room followed by a swift foot to the monitor. She will instil absolute fear in her opponent as she makes them wish they’d never teabagged her after her seventeenth death in that one round. She will respawn, and rain hellfire down upon them, stringing every word known to man together as makeshift ammunition, damaging the morale of her adversary with pants-shitting aggression, while also giving her boyfriend the biggest fearection he’s ever had.
Teabag me again, shit-blimp. I’d love for your balls to be within punching distance. Come here and fight me, fuck-waffle!
Basically, in the world of gaming, good sportsmanship is a sign of weakness. A real gamer knows this, and will smite the undivided shit out of someone who pretends to be what they are not. That and when all Gamers get in front of their preferred console they turn into Mega Bitch Queen/King from hell no matter if they’re winning or not.
What’s that ma? Auntie Mary’s funeral is today. No... I’m too busy to go.
1: Real Life Interaction:
This is the biggest point of them all, it is the first impression you get off of a gamer that you’ve never gamed with. And it’s the best way to tell apart a gamer, and a person that acts like a gamer to be ‘Different’. It may be difficult to believe (I can still hardly believe it myself), but occasionally gamers venture outdoors and meet each other in real life. They eat together, get wasted together and sometimes wake up naked at some Ladyboy Ping-Pong show in Pattaya five minutes before the insanity ensues.
Just like REAL PEOPLE!
90% of you didn’t say anything (Bastards), but those of you who did, apart from looking foolish, probably said ‘Why, video games of course!’… Well, yes, that is half correct. Also I can totally hear your stupidity through this article.
I say you’re half correct because yes, obviously a community borne from a shared interest in an online game is going to discuss tactics and memories IRL (remember that one, Gurls?), but surely that’s all they have in common, right?
We also all wear AMAZING belt buckles
Not even close. Most hard-core gamers are full grown adults, with full grown adult problems. They still have bills, families (If they were lucky enough to be allowed to breed) and car expenses. Some are mothers and fathers of multiple children, others might be bachelors living alone with a cat for company (Story of my life), maybe a few CEO’s of their respective businesses, a few janitors thrown in and one or two celebrities. So what else would they discuss? The same things as everyone else. In-game, they discuss tactics, how to work together as a team and how to divide up their winnings at the end. A bond like that is a strong tie that leads to friendships and even more. So when they meet up and can talk leisurely, they’re going to want to know more about their new friends, now that they don’t have an undead dragon to fight. They can stop and get to know each other.
Friendship... and even more..
How does this relate to Gamer Gurls? Simple. Anybody who fakes their way into a group will always try to impress those around them to enforce their admittance in the group. Let’s say I joined the mafia, on the pretence that I was a professional hitman/hitwoman (I haven't decided on my gender yet), and I was just sitting in a room with legitimate members of the Fibonacci Crime Syndicate, I would be so worried that they wouldn’t accept me that I’d embellish or downright lie just to feel wanted.
The prime minister of Sweden? Garrotted. Lobby man outside? Peeled his face skin off. Whatevs.
Oh how cute, you thought that was a euphemism?
They’ll likely rattle off some fact about gaming, and just when she’s about to sound legit, she ruins it with the catchphrase of every Gamer Gurl; “Oh lulz I’m such a nerd, tee-hee!”.
This boils my blood more than Bob Reptilian’s bathing habits. Does the country’s leader finish every announcement with “Oh lulz I’m such a politician, tee-hee”? Of course not. It’s unnecessary and makes you look like a pre-teen pulling duckface at a public bathroom mirror. Laughing at being a nerd (Even if you are legit) is borderline offensive to all the gamers around you.
Nerds, Geeks and Gamers are three different types of people… sure plenty of people are all of those things, but they are different. A Nerd is an intelligent being who values academic achievement or progress more important than most other life objectives (Like friends and breeding). A Geek is someone who is a little bit creepy, plays games and collects paraphernalia of various niche things like anime, video games, porn or pretty much anything unusual (Dead things included). A Gamer is not necessarily any of those things. A Gamer is simply someone who plays video games, enjoys the open world with the similar respect someone like you would enjoy a book or movie. They share the passion with other like-minded people and also sometimes collects creepy neurotic memorabilia.
So why even fake that? (Seriously why?). Why not take the money they would have spent on clubbing and getting knocked up and actually buy some games and play them? Because they’re not actually interested. They play on the ‘Nerd Fashion’ and ‘Geek Chic’ because it’s ‘Unique’.
Wow Sarah! That’s one neat Pocket Protector!
You can’t pretend to feel the blackness of my soul
No comments:
Post a Comment